It Never Gets Easier

This weekend we attended the Richardson Family Reunion at cousin Jo Anne Brame's home in Hopkinsville.  Leigh loves her family and especially reunions because she knows she will see family members that she often mentions, smiling faces, get much needed hugs, and eat some delicious food.

This also means that she will get to spend the night at home with us.  This is the home she has always known.  Leigh loves coming home to spend a night or two and does so on certain holidays.  She has her rituals and favorite foods that are expected during her stay, and she reminds me of her expectations frequently...in the event that I might forget. She has a stash of little keychains, books, gloves, magazines, anything that she can dangle, and she always has both hands full packing them around the house and dropping her little items everywhere. I'm constantly telling her to pick up her stuff, or just doing it myself so I do not step on something.  She tries to make me promise that I will make her a glove from fabric scraps, take her shopping for a favorite item, or go to McDonalds for her large Diet Dr Pepper.  And if she doesn't get the answer she wants, she will wear you down until she gets it so you can finally get some relief.  Even though her demands are numerous, they are simple.  One of her favorite places is sitting on my bed with the window open...regardless of the weather outside...watching cars pass and listening to outside sounds. I often wonder what she is thinking, and I'm sometimes envious of her ability to easily escape what we call the real world.

Leigh is a strategical planner. Her 'requests' are staged at times that she knows that she is more likely going to get a positive response.  Telling Leigh 'no' usually has an unpleasant consequence.  She knows that unpleasant consequences to being told 'no' are likely to reverse the decision if she is out in a public place or in the doctor's office. Anyone in Clarksville that has been in a public area where Leigh frequents has likely heard her screaming and yelling at decibel numbers comparable to a heavy metal rock concert.  Then all eyes are on me waiting to see my reaction...and what I'm are going to do about it.  She KNOWS I don't like attention. No one likes to hear a people stampede that sounds much like a herd of elephants headed in your direction, coming to see who/what is emitting those blood curdling screams...then glaring at me in shock as if I had purposefully provoked it!  What they don't realize is that Leigh is capable of much more than her notorious screams.

When Leigh's home visit comes to an end,  we start the packing process hours ahead.  She brings little items to me all throughout her stay asking if she can take it to her home.  Most of the time I say yes...she has trained me to avoid unpleasant consequences.  If I have made one of her favorite foods such as cornbread or cherry pie, she will always ask to take it home with her.  If she finds my gloves that I use in the kitchen, they must go home with her.  If she manages to get into my sewing room unsupervised,  she searches for fabric or zippers to cart out the door.  Then getting her to the door is like herding cats!  She is constantly running back to get another trinket to take with her. I'm not sure if this is a fun game for her or if having something from home comforts her.

The drive back to her home means the radio has to be set on 92.9 and the volume at a specific setting that I dare not change, and it MUST include a stop at the driveup window at McDonalds for a large Diet Dr Pepper...and a hamburger if I haven't packed a plate of food for her from home. She greets her staff upon arrival and her daily living routine picks up again as she sets the lights, radio, and surroundings to her liking. She has a wonderful staff who works with her.  They take her places and do things with her that I never dreamed that she would do.  I call them her Guardian Angels.

The trip back to my home is only 4.6 miles, but the thoughts that go through my head seem to last forever.  Thoughts of all the changes that have transpired in the past since Leigh has been living in her own home, and what lies in the future. My body seems so heavy as I get out of the car and go inside.  The silence that now fills the entire house is haunting.  I choke when I begin to pick up items that she dropped when both her hands were tightly holding on to her little pieces of comfort.  And just when I think I have it together, I move a pillow on my bed and find a glove.

It never gets easier.