Rain dominated the day as we prepared to say our goodbyes to
my brother-in-law who had passed away at the age of 94. King of Patience and I prepared for our trip
out of town to the funeral….well, at least we thought were prepared. Half way
there, while going through the check list, it was brought to my attention that I
had not put an umbrella in the car.
Thank God for Dollar General! I
dashed into the store near Dover, selected a couple of small umbrellas, and
proceeded to the register to pay. In
front of me was a lady trying to purchase a Monster drink. There appeared to be some problem that
required a consultation with the store manager about how the purchase was denied,
and they would have to follow a process in order to make sure their register
balanced at the end of the day. For
future reference, do not try to use your food stamp card to purchase a Monster
drink…..it will deny you, and it will take about 20 minutes to get everything
straight.
The funeral service was most appropriate. Lots of wonderful things were said about my
brother-in-law, and, unlike several funerals I have attended, all those things
were true. After the service we
proceeded to the Smith Cemetery on a little knoll in Big Rock.
It was steadily raining when the hearse arrived at the
cemetery with all the family cars trailing behind. Everyone parked and began the walk up the
little hill to the gravesite. I decided
to leave my purse in the car….didn’t figure I would need anything in it. Besides, I had to manhandle that flimsy
little Dollar Store umbrella to keep my hair from giving off the aroma of wet
hairspray. I turned to King of Patience
and asked him if he had his key. You
know how important it is to double check at our age. He squeezed his pocket and assured me that he
did. We began to hear someone’s car horn…honk….honk….honk… We knew someone had likely been just a little
too careless and had managed to press the panic button on their car key. KOP stared straight ahead, waiting for it to
stop. I looked to our left and realized
that it wasn’t that car, I looked to the right and realized it wasn’t my
brother’s car….. then I KNEW! Now, I’m
not sure how many of you know what happens when you squeeze your keys with the
electronic door opener. I would advise you to select an appropriate place and
give it a try. I yelled to KOP, “It is
OUR car!” His startled look of disbelief
lasted only a couple of seconds. He
threw the keys at ME and yelled for me to, “STOP IT!” With a masters in technology….and the fact
that I had already had it happen a couple of times, I knew I could handle
this….. I pushed the red panic
button. This had always been the
correct process to end the shrill attention drawing noise in the past. But the car just kept honking. Those beeps were bouncing off of every
headstone on that hillside, and we had the attention of everyone present, both
the living and the dead, plus all the neighbors in the area were peeking out
their windows by now! I immediately
jumped out of the car and aimed the key at the car as if I had a pocket Glock
and was about to take out one of the Ten Most Wanted. I fired about six rounds pushing the panic
button, but still the….honk…honk…honk defied my every action. My brother,
parked next to me, told me I needed to CLOSE the car door, and….. Before he could finish I slammed the car
door. When that honking racket
continued, I turned to him to see what followed ‘and’…… “And put the key in the switch and TURN
it!” As quickly as it had been slammed,
the door was jerked opened, I jumped back in, threw the key BACK at KOP and
told him to put it in the ignition and TURN it!
I’m sure it took him no more than a second or two to insert that key and
turn it, but it was happening just like a slow motion scene in a suspense
movie.
The commotion had FINALLY stopped and I exited the vehicle,
holding my little Dollar Store umbrella down close in front of my face. I could feel the eyes of everyone burning
through me. Who would set off a car horn-honking marathon
at a graveside service! Thankfully, the
preacher had not yet started praying.
As we all started to leave the cemetery, my nephew, who had
just buried his father, approached.
“Aunt Connie, I just wanted to tell you something.” From the somber look on his face, I just knew
he was going to share a special moment about his dad and that would likely be
followed by a hug. We are just that kind
of family. He leaned in closer to my ear
and softly spoke, “ I just wanted you to
know that NO amount of noise you make is going to RAISE the dead.”
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