December 11, 2013...Eight Years Ago

What A Day! It started off with several precursors....but due to the lack of time and my mental state right now....I will skip those. Actually it started 38 years ago....Today is Leigh's 38th birthday and a celebration was scheduled at her favorite place, China Buffet, with all her staff. I had not had time to birthday shop and thought I could get it done this morning before time to arrive. That is when the Charter guy scheduled to come this AM between 8:00 and 10:00 to fix my internet....that I so desperately needed to finish grading for the semester. I ended up leaving Charles (King of Patience) here with him so I could get my shopping done. I knew what she wanted....I knew where to get it...at least I thought I did anyway.

When I arrived at Walmart to purchase her rubber animal...THEY had MOVED the box! I couldn't find it anywhere! Time was running out so I grabbed some nail polish, a glove, and added it to the green frog bird house, and a few other items, and I stuffed them all in a pillow case I had made for her. After all, purchasing wrapping paper is a waste of money. I also had purchased a spool of ribbon to tie a nice little bow around the pillow case. I dashed off to the car with about 15 minutes left when I remembered the hats....the elf hats that staff would wear for the photo that will turn into Leigh's Christmas card. While I grabbed the hats, I got a call from her staff asking if I had reserved the back room at China Buffet. Indeed I had! She informed me that when they arrived, another party had already taken the room and we had been seated up front! Knowing how Leigh can and WILL get a bit loud, I figured the person that double booked would soon realize they had made a BIG mistake.

I went to tie the ribbon on the pillowcase....but the ribbon was no where to be found! I just grabbed the stuffed pillowcase and took off across the parking lot looking like a robber with a bag of loot. Food was great, Leigh loved her gifts, and it was topped of with the little flaming flower that chimes Happy Birthday until it dies....about two weeks later.

When we got back to her house, the crew installing her new floor had not finished, and the only way she was going to leave again was to "ride in Mama's car"....and Mama was exhausted! But off we went to the River Walk. That is where Leigh decided to share some Christmas spirit and tried to hug a woman dressed in middle eastern attire and two homeless men. Guess God knew they needed a hug.

Anyone that knows Leigh knows that she could make the top ten list of con artists. She looked at me with that pitiful look and said, "Mama make Birthday cake." I felt so ashamed....and quickly tried to make up for it by offering her a cupcake. Before I could make my plea, she immediately added ice cream, Coke, and a hamburger to the list! Well, it was her birthday after all. When I looked at the photos made today....the anguish and physical pain found its purpose.

You Know It Is Time To Leave the Kitchen, Part 2

Kitchen Dilemma 

Sooooo, you buy bananas and the person you buy them for (bet you can't guess who) does not eat them. Bananas do not hang around for long, so now they are VERY ripe.  Do you throw the bananas out, or do you look for a recipe to use them all up?
Yeah, if you’ve got a good banana bread recipe, it’s tempting to make banana bread. And there is enough there to almost make a double recipe...almost. You think you can make it work.  So you open up a can of crushed pineapple and drain it. Even drained it has more pineapple than you need for a doubled recipe. Do you throw away the extra pineapple, eat some of it, or just put it all in the banana bread? We were taught NEVER to throw away good food, and I wasn't in the mood for curshed pineapple. 
You chop up your maraschino cherries, and you find that you are just shy of what the doubled recipe needed. Do you just skip the whole bread making thing, make the single recipe and waste some of it, just leave the marachinos out,  or use what you have? Already made this recipe and it HAS to have those cherries! And we were taught NEVER to waste anything!

Then you mash up your banana and realize that you are about a cup short…4 cups needed to double the recipe.  Do you just unmix everything that you’ve done and put it all away and say to heck with it and let those bananas turn black and mushy, or do you just use what you have?  Unmixing can be a bit challenging. Besides, I had extra pineapple. 

You have been watching Rose Red Homestead on YouTube and she said you needed dark pans to bake bread.  You crawl around the kitchen floor opening all your cabinet doors looking for a dark bread pan you KNEW you had...but hadn't used in several years...and you discover some other long forgotten utensils in the far dark corners of the cabinet, pull them out and put them in the sink to be washed and revived. Didn't find that dark pan so you just pull out what loaf pans you have, calculate how many you need...because you doubled that recipe...and do what the recipe says. You grease only what you think you need and set the others aside just in case you need them.  

You mix it all up and stand guard over that mixer because you doubled the recipe and it is about to come over the edge.  After you mix it, you get a measuring cup and divide the batter equally because you want each loaf in that double batch of banana bread to be evenly distributed. You just might make a photo and send it to your sisters, nieces, friends, associates, Martha Stewart, Paula Dean or maybe Brenda Gantt showing off what you have made. They have a way of doing that and it always looks perfect...picture perfect!  And this is your chance to show off. 

You put the batter filled pans in the oven, set your timer, and start to clean up your mess you made making all that banana bread.  That is when you discover that you put the batter in an ungreased loaf pan and you have the one you greased in your hand.  

For some reason, the end product from my kitchen just doesn't look like the photo on the recipe, or taste as described.   Sometimes it just pays to stay out of the kitchen! 

NOTE: Photo of the bread pried from the ungreased pan not shown.   

Recipe for Banana Bread

(I did not add the coconut.) 

Hacked, April 2013

Hacked

I rarely ever shop on line, I delete all strange looking e-mails, don’t talk to strangers, don’t accept their candy, and I don’t accept Facebook Friends I don’t know…… I thought I was safe.   All this changed Monday morning when I woke up to the headline that a former employer’s database had been hacked and confidential information on thousands of people had been compromised.   Having your Social Security number published on the World Wide Web has its own sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that Pepto-Bismol can’t help.    How dare they (hackers)!   Sooner or later after your start to breathe again the question jumps out and startles your all over AGAIN….What am I going to do?  

While I still am questioning myself about covering all bases, here is what I did.  I looked for my local bank in the phone book and got only 1-800 numbers….dialed the phone, and someone in some other state answered.  I stated that I needed to speak to my local branch IMMEDIATELY!   The lady inquired about the nature of my emergency.  When I explained….she  IMMEDIATELY started telling me about a “product” the bank offered that would protect my account.  It would only cost five dollars a month.    Five dollars a month may not sound like a lot, but for someone retired drawing less than half of their paycheck ….five dollars is a LOT!  That would total sixty dollars a year….that would buy me a whole tank of gas.   The lady did not transfer me but stated that she had spoken with someone and, again, she insisted that I purchase the protection plan.  Again, I declined and by now I am getting irritated.   She was nice enough to give me the numbers of the three credit Kingpins (Equifax, Trans Union, and Experian) where I would need to place an alert in the event that anyone would pick my SS number from among the thousands, and try to buy something I never dreamed of having. 

My first call was to Experian.    I hate pushing buttons…. especially when what I need is not on their menu, and that little automated voice had no clue that I had an EMERGENCY!  Imagine how great I felt when it asked me to enter my SS number.   Wouldn’t you know it….they offered me their ID Theft Protection Insurance!!!!  It was only going to cost about $15 bucks a month.    That would be THREE tanks for gas for the year!     At this point I felt tears in my eyes.   Not once during the whole conversation did I speak with a live person….even though I punched the 0 several times when given menu options.   It only made that darn little automated voice tell me that ‘0’  was not an option, and the message would start all over again.

I understand that when one of the three credit reporting agencies gets an alert, they have to share with the other two.  I had no confirmation that it had been received and processed, so I proceeded to call the next Kingpin…… Trans Union.  This was another several minutes of pushing buttons and sharing my sacred SS number.   And guess what they offered…..you got it….another opportunity to purchase their ID Theft Insurance!   Still no confirmation of having received my notice of alert. 

Kingpin number three….Equifax.  Yes, it was the same button pushing process. But just as I was about to end it, a LIVE person who could barely speak English was suddenly on the line.   Bet you can’t guess what she wanted to talk to me about…....Yep!   The opportunity to purchase their ID Theft Insurance.    I didn’t even bother to ask how much. I was informed that the alert was only good for 90 days. After that I would need to pay to have it extended.  

The next step I took was to look up the Social Security Office on line.  I figured this would be a lot easier than calling them.  If you have ever had to call the SS office… you understand what I am saying.   I was able to navigate through to the page that told me what to do in the event that my SS  number was compromised.   Guess who they suggested for one to call…..Yep!  The three Kingpins…. Experian, Trans Union and Equifax.   Then they gave a link for filing with the FTC.  That was the easiest part of the process.  

The last thing I did was to change my bank access information.   Since yesterday I have logged on to my account and checked it at least a dozen times.   If anyone hacked my bank account, they  (the perpetrator(s)) would be as ticked off over their findings as I would be having to go through the process of changing all my information…..and then trying to remember it the next time I needed to log on. 

Through this whole process, these questions have taken up residence in my mind:

1. Why should I have to buy insurance?  Shouldn’t the person allowing the perps to make a purchase using stolen information be held responsible?  

2. Isn’t having to pay for insurance very much like having to pay the Mafia for their protection? 

The whole town has been abuzz since Monday morning.  In the course of conversation with my cohorts (co-victims), I have been asked, “Who did it?”   If I knew, the FBI would be knocking on my door right now wanting answers, and inquiring as to where the body was located.  Another question asked,  “Why would they do that?”   My answer…because they CAN.  

To the hacker(s):  You are all coprolites.  I included the link to the dictionary so you can look it up.  You stated,  “I'd like to apologize that I've harmed their families, caused problems,” …… How remorseful!    For you I find this fitting….”May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch, and may your arms be too short for your hands to scratch! “